can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
