Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
