So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
