The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
