walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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