i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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