Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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