he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you would pick up someone in the library
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
