I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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