so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
