Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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