so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
