I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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