so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
