I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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