Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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