So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
