Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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