you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
