All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
