i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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