Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
