Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
