I skipped work to stalk him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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