How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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