Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
