oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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