his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
