my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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