I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
