last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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