dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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