apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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