I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
