so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
