You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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