I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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