if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
