The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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