What a fucking waste of an outfit
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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