Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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