I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
