I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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