She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize