trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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