champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love you. Go after that dick
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