I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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