it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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