Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
