I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
