do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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