Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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