Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
