How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
