just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
