Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
