I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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