sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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