just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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