I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
